Saturday, December 02, 2023

A Tip for Deafies at Christmas

Christmas eh? The time of year when it’s all things chocolate and cakes and goodies and… we all know. It’s also the time of year when all the shops seem to play a constant jingle jangle of inane tunes, on a loop, designed to send their own staff bonkers. They must all go home in the evening, totally brain-dead. Even the streets are full of it sometimes. Drives me postal.

I’m not all Grumy Grammy, not really. I like a wee Santa with the best of them. I wave to the elves as I pass if I see them. I’m just happy to even see them nowadays as they were never here in the Netherlands before!

I have a secret though. One that helps me get through the weeks of Sinterklaas and his (lately) soot-covered helpers, and mind-numbing muzak that leads up to even worse around Christmas with things the Dutch just don’t do terribly well. Partly because they’re not interested in Santa Claus and it’s all just commercial anyway. This trick is one I can highly recommend to any CI wearer, but even I know it puts me right on the naughty list.

I turn off my CI and my hearing aid.

I do! I enjoy perfect peace as I stumble through the crowds, laden with too much food (a lot of it sugar for making inedible sweets!) and probably more unwanted gifts (although I’ve cut down on that). I switch on again temporarily to briefly converse with check-out ladies, or anyone I might ask something, but otherwise… bliss. If I walk past you in the street with a slight smile on my face, I’m not enjoying the ‘ambiance’ (there is none), I’m enjoying the peace and quiet. It’s a secret because no one knows. How would they?

Back home, or actually, as soon as I’m off the bus and heading to my own door, I’m all switched on. I love hearing what my CI has brought back to me! I hear the geese flying overhead. I hear ducks on the canal. I hear a bike behind me! I hear a shout as a neighbour waves… All things I can’t do if I’m switched off and definitely couldn’t do before I got my implant.

At home I hear my own music - or more accurately, music he puts on as I generally forget, but it’s stuff we like and not eardrum-bursting nonsense with a lot of bells or old pop songs vaguely to do with Christmas (Slade?! Cliff?!) and no Christmas Carols either to be honest. And no Bing Crosby. We play our own humbug!

I’ll hear the boys squeal at their ‘zak van Sinterklaas’ on the 5th of December (it will never work for me!) and I’ll hear them laughing *from the other room* when they’re trying their new games. They’re big now so we don’t sing ‘Sinterklaas liedjes’ any more. We did all that when they were small and I heard it then. It was lovely because I’d thought I never would.

I’ll hear glasses clink and, maybe even hear, without trouble, a couple of silly Sinterklaas rhymes (seriously, it’ll never work for me). I’ll hear the questions from the kitchen like ‘want a cuppa?’ without it having to be repeated. I’ll hear the conversations at the table. I’ll hear responses and I’ll answer appropriately… mostly.

When Christmas comes, I’ll hear the oven beep when the timer goes to tell me my turkey is done. I’;; hear things bubbling in pans and sizzling on a hotplate. I hear the plates rattling into or out of the dishwasher (I honestly never knew that could be quite so loud). I can comfortably hear my TV showing whichever mind-numbing nonsense I inflict upon myself over this whole period (see, not entirely Grumpy Grammy - I do indulge). It used to be hard to follow stuff - not any more.

When it’s New Year’s Eve, I’ll actually hear the cork pop on our bottle of champers. I never knew the fireworks were as loud as they are but Grumpy Grammy has always disliked them - they’re just ten times louder now. How do hearing people suffer that?! No wonder the dog used to protest. I can hear the swishy and fizzy, sparkly ones now too though - and from a distance, I like those. I’m not crazy about the bangs and veritable bombs that go off, but I do listen. I don’t switch off for those, as I’m in company, but it lasts way too long. To be honest, I probably would switch off if I was alone.

So my secret is out. It’s a great little treat actually. Rather ironic that after years of not hearing well (or at all) to have the choice now of muting things when required (or just wanted). I know it’s ‘bad’ because it rather defeats the purpose of regaining hearing, but all of you out there with perfect hearing, you use headphones to listen to things you want to and not be subjected to things you don’t. I think? So this is ‘our’ equally useful trick to save our brains from overload.

I hear great at very, very loud, rock concerts, so it’s not noise so much as *unwanted* noise. I also discovered that it’s a great way not to have to hear (or react to) anything when you’re being moaned at. Win win!

Mostly just muzak though J

Wednesday, November 01, 2023

Being a HearPeer

I had an interesting day at the Med-El Care Center (sic) in Utrecht last week with other HearPeers. I'm a HearPeer don't you know - an 'experienced user' of a cochlear implant who likes to speak about it, promote my processor, and generally answer questions anyone currently a candidate for a CI, or any interested party really, might have.

The morning was a bit of a workshop, info exchange, and to meet three newly recruited HearPeers. We've been just three of us in NL (the group is otherwise global) for a while now so it's great to now have another three. We have each walked different paths to getting a CI, have been a recipient for varying lengths of time, and are in varying age groups too. One has always been deaf, another is sudden deaf... all kinds. One girl even has a different type of implant, equally important to speak about when information is requested.

It's all voluntary and takes not a lot of anyone's time, to be honest. We answer emails mostly, not all too frequently and we attend information afternoons, either via group video calls or, like today, at the Care Center (grrr) in person. I was pleased indeed to hear that one of the new HearPeers was greatly encouraged by my answers to her emails and it was partly why she's happy to also now be a HearPeer. So it does really work, having contact with anyone that might have concerns.

Here's a link to where we can be found...  HearPeers Nederland

You can change the language, top left on the page by the little flag.

The Care Center (I do so hate the spelling but can't change it ;) ) is great for all things technical and hands on, but they themselves say, with no actual experience of how it all goes... the prior talks about getting one, the operation, the healing, the switching on... they're happy that we all are prepared to answer those kind of questions for them. They try and match us up, depending on the questions asked - if it's a younger person, they'd probably pass them on to one of the younger ones, for instance - just to be able to relate better. If it's something about music enjoyment with a CI, one of us is particularly experienced in that quarter.

We could do with some men in the 'team' though. Not sure why it is mostly women - abroad too, although of course there are some guys involved - just not here in NL yet.

I gave a short rundown on my trip to Innsbruck as that kind of 'perk' might happen to one of them too at some point. They also showed the films made there (blush - they are so brilliant though, I do love them) and it was hilarious seeing them again after explaining how insane it was to be treated like film royalty. Here's the blog I did on it all earlier, including the finished ads... Innsbruck for Med-El

We all ate lunch together in a Greek restaurant nearby. It was delicious and so nice to get to know everybody a little better.

The afternoon was interesting too. Care Center (saying nowt) staff, myself, two of the three new HearPeers and three more users plus a partner, just all come together for coffee and cake and anything interesting that might occur. I'd have liked to have seen more users attend as it is always great to be 'in company', but three is ok too. There are loads more Med-El recipients out there though, so we maybe just need to reach more, somehow.

We all introduced ourselves nicely - I'm getting used to standing up the front to do this! - and as usual, every story is totally different. Never fails to amaze me. It's not like, a broken leg, ow-ow, stuck in plaster, crutches for a while, better...same every time, more or less. Not even remotely. The variety of it all is quite astounding. How gone deaf? How long before hearing aids? Whether or not to get a CI and how treated at each centre? (all different, still!) How things went? How they are now? What do they expect? Which accessories do they use? Different success rates at all levels, every step of the way. It's mind-boggling really and should definitely be taken into account by the audiological centres. I don't think they do, is my point.

The biggest problem seems (to me) a lack of coordination between the major teaching hospitals with audiological centres in NL which actually perform the operation. There are definitely areas that are entirely similar and 'to be expected' for everyone, everywhere, but still you are left to discover it all on your own. I've had my CI for almost ten years now and noticed the difference between centres early on. Mine (Utrecht) appeared to be the better one and they still have 'room for improvement'. It's strange to hear (from someone implanted in 2022) that they too miss(ed) information that could have been handy to them. The hospitals are busy, we all know this, but they seem to be missing a huge beat here. You can't, for instance, just mention *in the passing* that you need to get vaccinated for meningitis! It's a kind of important step, no?

One aspect of the afternoon (while munching apple tart) was to write up questions on sticky notes and we all laughed at my writing being the one Ren couldn't decipher. Hardihar. Must do better on that score! :) It was also funny to watch each sticky note come unstuck from the board and flutter down to the floor, one after the other as he was deciphering them. I don't even really know what I wrote or asked any more, (didn't take notes, should have) but it was very interesting, I know that much. The consensus was certainly that there are a good few points that candidates and newly implanteds need to know about before, during and early on after their implant (as above, re vaccination). I might work on that one actually. I should. I will.

All in all, a successful day, to be repeated (again) for sure, and great to have expanded the number of HearPeers. Well done to Care Center (arghgh!) Utrecht staff on that one. It was a long day, having left the house before eight and only getting home at around seven, but we were well catered for as usual, so no complaints here.


Saturday, October 14, 2023

Travels with Jimmy

The year 2023 has been a big one for us so I’m listing things here, knowing I’ll bloody forget otherwise.

Why is it a ‘big one’? Well, because James turning 70 and our Golden Wedding Anniversary both happened in August. Last year, we did rather a lot of travelling around so we thought we’d try and top that, just to make a proper celebration of it all.

January was boring… haha, we never went abroad at all.

February neither, but we certainly celebrated paying off the house. Waheey, no more mortgage to pay.

March, we were in Edinburgh, Scotland, together for Ronnie’s funeral, so that was less fun, but as usual with funerals, you meet people you haven’t seen in a long time. Somewhat of a consolation.

April, things really took off. We went to Rhodes, Greece, for a week to an ‘All-inclusive’ resort in Ixia… was fabulous. We stayed on the resort the whole time and stuffed our faces at the lovely restaurants three times a day... it was ridiculous. The weather was decent and we had our own (freezing!) pool with the suite. Drinks were included in our package so we rather indulged. I basically don’t drink, usually - the odd wine, maybe two. This place had me working my way through the cocktail menu. Hey, it was paid for! The evening entertainment was usually a laugh so we were well entertained. It was a great rest from our usual marching all over the place. We didn't even go into Rhodes as have been before anyway.

Four days after returning, I was off again to Larkhall, Scotland, as that had been booked for a long time and I hadn’t seen the boys in March, knowing I was coming back soon. Met up with an old school pal too, which was great, and also an American friend visiting Edinburgh.

Mid May, I went to Innsbruck, Austria, all-expenses-paid for three nights, four days, by Med-El. So interesting! Met lots of lovely folks from all corners of the globe with CIs, and filmed and recorded for Med-El ads. Great fun. James joined me on my last day and we then stayed another four nights to take in more of Innsbruck, which isn’t big, but nice to see. The mountains were incredible.

We were only back from there for two nights before flying off to Tenerife, The Canary Isles, for ten days. This had been totally out of the blue until I prised it out of him as I knew he was up to something. We were going there to join Les’ and Aymer, how exciting - but they didn’t know anything about it either. So that was great fun. Our hotel was beautiful and so was theirs so we’d meet up every other day and most nights. We visited two other towns on the island too. Quite impressed with the town we were in but man, it’s a long flight to get there. We honestly hadn’t realised how far away it is - duh! They left one day before we did. It was so great to spend decent time with them again.

June, we were home practically the whole month, then on the 29th we flew to Marseille, France for five nights, actually staying in Aix en Provence - a lovely, lovely place, chocka with places to eat and drink - until the 4th of July. We were booked to visit the lavender fields as we’ve wanted to do that for years. It was absolutely as lovely as we imagined and we’re glad we did it, made some nice friends along the way too. We also had a day trip to Nimes, which was smashing, and on our last day we took a proper look at Marseille again before catching our flight back to NL. Lots of changes there, all for the better by the looks. Great town.

Middle of that month, Em’, T and the boys came to us for five nights before heading off on their InterRail adventure.

We didn’t travel far for his 70th, but we did stay away overnight somewhere fabulous, actually here in Almere, called Life Contains Beautiful Things - I know, daft name, but really nice. Only three cabins, around a ‘wild’ swimming pool, in the middle of a vineyard… in Almere! Knowing that he was ‘surprising’ me with a long trip for our anniversary, I surprised him with this. Lis', Tim and the boys, plus Grada and Remy, surprised him some more by joining us for dinner after his oyster treat with Prosecco at the sauna in the garden. He knew nothing until it all happened and it was great fun. I overindulged and spent half the night on the bathroom floor, to my shame. Still worth it.

Then, 23rd August, until 25th September, we were in Madrid (and Toledo), Jerez, Cadiz, Vejer de la Frontera, Estepona, Ronda, Antequera, Granada, Murcia (and Cartagena), Albacete (and Cuenca) in SPAIN. Thirteen places in all, 3 as day trips. On our actual Golden Wedding Day in Madrid, the girls surprised us with the delivery of an engraved bottle of champagne. Tears all round!

James surpassed himself in all the bookings he’d done on AirBnB. Everywhere was great! Some were terrific, some less so, but all really good, clean, modern, and central to everywhere we went. We travelled by bus and by (HS) train, mostly managing well - barring the odd cock-up. We travel fairly light with only a carry-on wheelie bag each, plus small rucksacks, and then an extra bag, for extras like dirty washing. Never a problem, but I did obsess slightly, counting them every time in my head.

We saw so much, DID so much, walked loads (something like 450 Km over almost five weeks and averaging 15 Km per day!), ate an enormous amount (mostly tapas), didn’t cook one meal, and drank lots of alcohol too (even me). We had a ball, in fantastic weather the whole time. Never met one person who wasn’t nice, helpful, and kind, plus several who went out of their way to help us. I’ve written a whole journal of this elsewhere so won’t elaborate here.

Mid-October, I’m back over to Larkhall, Scotland and we will go to Glenshee overnight for the Enchanted Forest in Pitlochry.

November, will be hard, as going nowhere at all, haha, but December, J’s taking me to Nice, France for my birthday and we have plans to take day trips all around there. Menton for sure, perhaps Antibes, and just might make it to Ventimiglia in Italy as that's not too far.

So, I think we even surpassed 2022. Now wondering what 2024 will bring because we have, once again, been smitten with Spain and still fancy Italy… or yet the South of France, to just go and stay for longer. It will also be my 70th birthday - hint, hint. Lots of logistics and practicalities to be ironed out first, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Time will tell. There’s no hurry. So, bring it on.

Tuesday, October 03, 2023

Sick

I’m sick. As sick as you get without being like… sick.

It’s confusing, because, how fuckin sick must you be to be actually, seriously sick? I never want to find out!

I don’t even have a fever - no high temperature according to my trusty thermometer, despite deploying it as I lie here ‘sweating carrots’, as the Dutch say (doesn’t translate well, but I love it). Maybe that's an indication that my metabolism works? Like, you sweat to cool you down, eh?

There are some among us who consider my languishing about and coughing my lungs out at regular intervals as mere ‘attention seeking’. I can only disagree. I really do not want this and the only one otherwise affected is the one specifically, deliberately, not giving me attention so… makes no sense and will ignore in turn.

It’s not even the bad Covid-19! How fuckin bad must it be that you need put on a ventilator and into an induced coma? I have been so miserable, so out of breath, feeling sooo bloody sick… while all the while aware, it’s ‘just a bad cold and a cough’. I have been terrified of getting Corona like that - pretty sure I'd be bad with that. We go for our next vaccination shortly… if they will allow me.

I know my lungs are fine - at my worst, the doc never hears a thing on them (this is a regular thing!), thank goodness. It’s just, when you feel like your eyeballs were about to explode at every cough in that last bout (flashing lights, the lot!), and your head is pounding, your eyes are practically stuck shut, your throat and chest burns, your nose is basically no longer an airway, and your stomach muscles ache from all the coughing… well, it’s hard to keep up the ‘nothing wrong with me’ story, or feel sorry for those around you afflicted with your noise. I’m not speaking about the neighbours either, whom I’m sure must also be about demented, listening to me all night.

As solicitous and helpful as ‘some’ can be under normal circumstances, they are the absolute worst any time I’m ‘sick’. I’d as well be on another planet… hah, they wish! I try, every time, to zap this ‘thing’ as soon as it starts up, I do, but nothing seems to help, and it always lasts so long! I know of no one who has this ‘sick, not sick’ shite and no, I do not prolong it myself. Why would I? How? It started while still on holiday this time, (so I don't believe it's a 'climate' thing), in the last week, and I went to a chemist that morning already, for a throat spray, and a nose spray, etc. Praying (to no avail) that it wouldn't 'develop'. It has only got worse since, like there is just no escaping it.

I do feel decidedly wimpy at times, but I suppose it is all relative. I remember when I broke my wrist, I seriously thought (still think!) I'd rather have birthed my babies breach than go through that pain ever again (I know, chronologically this makes no sense but...). My 'threshold' isn't the highest, I know.

So anyway, got that off my chest. Now this bloody affliction! Pulease!

Monday, May 22, 2023

Filming for Med-El in Innsbruck

Just a short while ago, I was asked, as a fairly regularly functioning 'HearPeer' for Med-El if I'd be up for being filmed for a promotional video for them. In Innsbruck (their HQ), fares and accommodation covered. Well, hold me back! 

What's a HearPeer you ask? Well, as a Med-El cochlear implant recipient, I make myself available for other candidates with questions about the whole road to getting one - whatever questions they may have about it all, be it 'What the heck is it?' to 'Does the operation hurt?' and 'What does it sound like?' and anything in between. It costs me minimal time and/or effort and can be fun too. Sometimes I attend 'Teams' video conferences and every so often a 'live' meeting/coffee time in Utrecht. This blog page is not called my BLETHERS for nothing. I also feel it is nice to pay back a little for being given my hearing back!

Anyway, I've now been to the lovely Innsbruck and met loads of other CI recipients/HearPeers from almost all the continents of the world. There was Jason from Wisconsin, USA, Kylie from Perth, Australia, and Vishal from near Mumbai, India - there with his lovely son who is the CI wearer. Then Sylvia from Italy, Lynn from England with her daughter Freya who is the recipient, and little old me from Scotland, representing The Netherlands. Everyone spoke English of course, including Sylvia, and all Med-El folks (some to an astonishing degree!) Lynn even said 'Oh you're all so exotic, and here's us just from England'. Me, exotic!

What a terrific bunch of folks they were, though. I honestly feel I made lots of new friends. There was no awkwardness, everyone was just lovely - of course the oldest there was ages with my own daughters! - and while we'd all had our own path to get there, we all wore CIs and I'm not often in company with other Rondo wearers. Most seemed loads more involved with Med-El than I feel I am, but ach, they're younger and all still active and studying and generally working. 

The people from Med-El offices were astonishingly friendly and made us all feel very welcome. Our accommodation was delightful and everything was brilliantly organised. Can't thank everyone enough, they went above and beyond and had very long days with us all!

My group, with Jason and Kylie, didn't film until the Tuesday so, having arrived on the Sunday morning early, I was to have the whole Monday off. 

Innsbruck is small so, on the plane landing at 08:25 on Sunday, I was already checking into the hotel at 08:45! Room wasn't ready... oh, and I'd so hoped it might be as I was dead on my feet having left the house at 04:30 and had barely slept. Having since met people coming from much further afield, I'm embarrassed at my 'tiredness'. Still, nothing daunted, I walked the 15 minutes into town and amused myself in the odd museum or two only just opened (it was Sunday after all), until about 12:00. How good am I? I did rather wonder what I was going to do the rest of the week though. It's not a huge place! After a lovely dinner in the hotel, and meeting everyone, including the Italian film crew, I knew this was going to be a nice gig. And it really was.

Monday, we were given a tour of Med-El HQ... a huge complex of 14 separate buildings just five minutes walk from the hotel. These state-of-the-art offices, laboratories and training facilities are pretty amazing and it was just great to watch them through the glass of the 'clean rooms' putting each individual implant together, piece by piece, all by hand. Uber-interesting and very informative by an American girl... Sandra, I think. We didn't meet one person that didn't wave or smile or shake our hands the whole trip. Monday afternoon was free after a lovely lunch out together, just our group (the others were filming). We three then headed into town for 'the Golden Roof' museum which was slightly underwhelming but nice for a photo or ten. I left the other two there as I was all through it and back again before they'd finished with the first exhibit, haha. I went to the zoo, which was up the mountain a little ways, via the funicular. After walking all around there and seeing everything Alpine Zoo related (in beside the vultures included! - was pretty cool) I walked back down the mountain in the sunshine that was really trying hard to get through the clouds. No jacket and no rain, so was good, and I got some terrific views across the valley. The mountains are just stunning when they're not hidden by cloud!

I was still stuffed from lunch so held off until I'd walked all the way back into town and only had chips and a well-earned Radner (like a shandy, which was surprisingly thirst-quenching and not disgustingly beery as I'd thought it might be), before walking back to the hotel. I got changed and came down to the bar but either I'd missed everyone, or no one had come so I ended up taking my next shandy up to the room. Didn't want to be sitting at the bar on my own, looking like I was after a man or something ;).

Kylie had an early start filming in the Muziekhal in town, but Jason and I didn't need to be there until 11:30 so we met after breakfast at 10:45 and got the bus there where we joined the crew awaiting us. We needed film makeup, which was really nice to have applied even if I was scared I'd look a bit 'mouton'. Turned out I looked ok, have to say! It was fun to see Jason getting it all done too - a very novel experience for your average man - never mind me!

We joined Kylie in the music room where we two had to walk naturally across to the piano where she sat playing as they filmed us. There to lean on the piano and just look like we were enjoying her playing. There was no acting involved and I can walk, I can, but suddenly I had no idea what to do with my arms! How do I hold my head, is my stomach tucked in enough! So weird! After a few 'takes' (hysterical hearing the 'camera, camera set, ACTION!' every time), they said we were naturals haha. 

We all had a lovely lunch together in the Muziekhal restaurant where we were joined by more super-friendly Med-El staff and they all had to wait on me finishing my starter before the mains were brought! Seriously, they all go above and beyond! After lunch, they set up a 'scene' in a lounge area where Caroline (moi) was to be partaking of a cup of tea and looking out the window at the sun (it was pouring rain)... hey, maybe I was acting after all haha. The makeup girl kept straightening me up and touching up the makeup... hysterical. Then there were close-ups of my hands around my cup - so thankful my nails weren't too bad as had just had them done last Scotland trip. I hope they don't look like old lady hands! Everyone in the extensive crew was really patient and kind and cheerful. 

Jason's gig was to walk up and down the stairs looking around, which he had to do several times too. Kylie had finished her playing earlier. I left and walked about some more I think... can't really remember, but we were to meet next morning at 08:45 for voice-over recordings until about 15:00. There was a lot of waiting around but we were also entertained by a visit to the surgeon's training lab. Really very interesting. I tried on the microscope headset used to perform operations, and we were shown the new robotic surgeon that is almost as fast and more accurate than a live surgeon. Peter who showed us around could not have been more accommodating.

The recording was fun to do (if horrendous, hearing yourself talk back) and included a filmed interview of each of us individually too. I'm curious to see the end result of it all! Hilarity ensued at one point when I entered the lunch room after my interview. Everyone was already there and see here, a huge framed photo of... me! from Vienna. Coincidentally leaning on a piano too, haha. Glad I hadn't worn the same top! Joke from NL's portrait was there too, as was one portrait of Vishal's handsome little son who also wears the Rondo2, the same as me.

Then we were free until 18:30 when we'd to meet for dinner in town together. James was arriving just around the time we finished so I went back to the hotel and found him at the bar already. We settled him into the room then took a short walk along the river and back nicely in time to get changed before meeting everyone.

Dinner was in a 'traditional' restaurant, with all of us together, plus Verena (who was chief organiser of everything - great job Verena!) Alex and Marina, both of whom stood by us the whole time - kudos! Also, Leigh who took the recordings, and two others I'm sure will forgive me for forgetting their names. Each and every one of them, total stars. Actually, Lynn and Freya weren't there... their flight home to England had been cancelled and although they then stayed another night, they didn't join us as Freya was too tired. I can imagine. She got another day off school though, so there's that.

Marina then took us all to a rooftop bar, just for the views, before leaving us at the right bus stop to take us 'home' to the hotel where we all said our goodbyes (again).

James and I still had three nights in a lovely village just up the mountain (with stunning views and surroundings, once the clouds dissipated) and only 15 minutes on the bus from the station, which was only 10 minutes from the hotel (Innsbruck really is small and very walkable... when you stay on the flat). Our first day, we checked out the Med-El Audioversum (Science Museum- freely accessible as Med-el had arranged it) which was great fun too. James even inserted electrodes into a cochlea, like a pro, first time. He's hired!

We had a terrific time exploring around Aldrans, in beautiful woodland and around a couple of mountain lakes, then on another day took a bus run to other places and didn't get rained on after all. We left on Sunday morning early and were home around lunchtime on the sunniest day of them all - it has since been very warm there - and here too actually. It was strange to be so surrounded by huge, snow-topped mountains at such close proximity. Literally, all around. James didn't get much of an impression of the heights until his 3rd day there and it really is gob-smacking to realise they've been there all along, just hidden by cloud. It's a really beautiful setting. There were to be only five flights on the day we left and ours was the first one, so only one planeload of folks in the whole airport with its one shop.

Thanks again to everyone at Med-El for a lovely, interesting, and fun-filled time. The goodie bag of mini-umbrella and metal thermos flask (and HearPeer badges!) was also much appreciated. I hope to see you all again sometime. Remember I volunteered for the live patient, robot op! As well as first in line for fully implantable CI! You promised!

Photos are on Facebook on my page here: Innsbruck for Med-El

Here are the finished films that I participated in. I love them!




Wednesday, May 03, 2023

A Coronation Rant

Sae, Ah’ve bin hinkin. Nou, this isnae eywis a guid hing. Me hinkin kin lead tae… ither stuff! 

Ah’m nae whitisface… Aristotle, wis it? No bi a long chalk, Ah’m no tryin tae big masel up nor nuhin. I dae lik tae… gie mah heid the reins… so tae speak. Jist noo’n again mind. Sae aye, thir’s suhin been nippin mah heid, so Ah’m jist gonnae say it.

This coronation nonsense. Whit’s aat about eh?

A grown man, a multi-millionaire bi aa accounts, well, we know he is acause they aw tell us he is… getting a fancy, schmancy, historical bunnet placed ceremoniously on’s heid, an we’ve aa tae pey fir the pleasur o watchin it aa happenin. Nou, is this 2023 or no?! Ah jist cannae get mah heid roon it.

Why?… why in the name o aa thit’s sensible, are the high heid yins o Scotland no protestin… an Ah mean *officially*… about this? Ah mean, huv they loast the plot entirely? Is the NHS on its knees or no? Are thir nae loadsa folks on the poverty line an below? Is the hale country no toilin, espeshally since thon Brexit catastrophe!

There’ll be some in England no up for it either. Surely? Thir’s foodbanks in England tae! Aa naw but, ‘let’s aa eat Coronation Quiche oan the 6th o May’ (mah fit went near through the telly at thon man haunin out recipes!). Mah daughter’s birthday tae! Making me p’d off at celebratin, in case anybody hinks ah’m cheering on Chookie! As if!

Ah read suhin the day. About hou if Charlie hid been some divorced Scouser (fir instance) insistin on… well aa he’s insistin on… o course it widnae be allowed! Marryin the bint (also divorced mind!) wi whae he continually cheated on his kids’ mither, aa throughout thir marriage! Aye, yer a great example tae the world the pair o ye! An Ah've no got anyhin bad tae sae about divorced folks per se... it's the hypocrisy o it aa! They changed the law so's she cuid become Queen... or consort or whitever backward bollix it aa is.

Nou, ah ken, it’s a history hing, ‘s mammie wis the Queen, acause o history tae… ah get it. This time though, they hud a chance tae, likesy… move oan! Make new history! Bring the bollix up tae date, why don't ye? He shoulda said ‘Ken whit, Ah’m out o here! Time tae ca’t quits’. There’da been nae complaints frae me if he hid. Or even, ‘Here’s some largesse fir aa yous, mah people’. Spread it out a bit, man!

Frae nou on, aye, sure, y're King… on ye go pal!... but huv ye no got enough money tae pey fer it aa yersel? Ah’m hinkin aye, ye dae. Make yersel properly popular! Bit naa, ‘let’s have everyone (aye aye) swear allegiance… to me, their King.’ Ye couldnae make it up! Ah’m runnin out o exclamation marks about nou.

Thir’s hunners o thousans o folks in the UK, no just Scotland but nationwide, yaisin foodbanks! Aa ye get is politicians sayin hou wunnerful it is the wey folks rally roon when folks is short. It’s acause o you lot thir short! They’ve just nae shame. It shouldnae be lik is!

I keep hopin tae see some official notice saying that it’s no Coronation Day in Scotland, acause it bloody isnae. It jist isnae. I might have missed suhin in the news. I’m no known fir constantly huddling aroon aa the news channels. Mibbes thir is mair o a protest in Scotland than ah ken. Ah’ve seen a couple o ‘calls tae protest’ mind, but it’s frae *official* quarters Ah want tae see stuff. ‘Not my King’… definitely no mines.

O course, Ah dinnae bide in Scotland, but Ah’m still Scottish… British if ye will, although still hopin for independence an a Scottish passport - dinnae start me. Nane o’t matters though, if folks is aa out waving wee butcher’s aprons about next Saturday. British telly his been full o’t aa this week as it is. Ah sae wantit tae see official comments like ‘we will not be swearing allegiance’ (acause, lets face it, it’ll be lies if they dae!) an ‘we advise all Scots to follow their own hearts’.. suhin lik aat! Yet tae hear it but. Ah live in hope.

Nou, if you’re a royalist, aat’s yer ain prerogative. As ‘is is mines. Mah wee rant means nuhin tae naeb’dy, bit ah’ve got it out mah heid, sae thir’s room fir ither shite. An ‘is is some shite, man. A King tae be crowned, costing houiver many millions o pounds frae public funds. It’s a bloody crime. It's pure theft is whit is is! S’ah’m done. Ah’ve said mah bit. Ah dinnae want nae revolution nor violence o any kind, ah jist want shot o aa ‘is royalty bollix an a bit mair accountability tae it aa. Please an hank ye yer royal majesty (tugs forelock an curtsies lik the wee princess ah’m ur).

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Perhaps a strange start to the year

I have this little light. It only comes out at Christmas. It’s not especially Christmassy but it lives in amongst the ornaments up in the attic, generally, so I think of it as Christmassy. It runs on two 3A batteries and although I’ve had it for years, I’ve never yet changed them… I don’t think? It changes colour automatically, gently. I just like it. Cost buttons too.

But now he’s annoying me! I know, Christmas is over and it should be gone, but I thought, as it appears to be running down, I’ll just let it run out this year. So about the 4th of January, thereabouts, I left him on, thinking it would be ‘empty’ overnight and I could store him away with a good conscience until next year. The on/off broke off years ago and I have to fiddle with a paperclip to even stop and start it so, saved myself that bother. Only… it’s still going! Still changing colour, still bloody working!

I can’t now put it away and I don’t want to toss it… as I said, I do rather like the stupid thing.

Now, my propensity… my penchant, if you will… to anthropomorphise inanimate objects (and animals) is fairly legendary - I hear myself saying 'he'! I well remember embarrassing J in front of his whole family watching the TV advert with an animated pea being chased by a fork, by saying aloud ‘oh, poor wee pea!’. I haven’t improved. Or perhaps, depending on how you look at things, I have! Haha. It’s handy for writing silly stories though! I’m not entirely cuckoo, it’s just I don’t easily part with things and, to be honest, some things just cry out to me. The longer they’re in my possession too, the more attached I become. They create their own level of ‘life’, if I can call it that.

There’s a (rather arbitrary, entirely invented by me) scale to it, I think? A tattie old, well-thumbed, often read, falling-to-bits book, isn’t as high on the scale as a first-child-baby-vest (for instance) but it’s up there. My own old teddy, not even hugely cuddled, to be honest (he sat on the shelf even then) beats soft toys belonging to the grandchildren, but they’re up there too. (I cannot just dump them - what will they think of me!) Magazines are on a lower scale (I don’t have the same feelings for them and don’t attribute feelings to them… phew!) but I do feel bad dumping those in good condition - and I have rather a lot of them! I wanted to get a baby-sized hot water bottle that would fit the silly little cover I have for the one that leaked, but ended up getting two entirely new ones in dangerously cute covers (with faces!) and caught myself feeling sorry for the old one, still empty. Save me!

You can now imagine how I feel about this little light! I’m giving you extra time out of the box, you pest! And now you’re messing with me? You know I hate tossing batteries that are not yet done - (witness the stash of ‘used-but-surely-still-useable?’ in the drawer) - but you’re patently not working optimally so… gonnae gie up?! Yes, on rereading this, I am aware I am addressing a piece of plastic.

I know, the men in white coats are getting ever closer, but I keep stuff at bay. Mostly. Keep all my little idiosyncrasies under wraps most days. Some days are just not worth chewing through the straps though, so I’m speaking about it today. Baring my all, so to speak. I blame this bloody light! Yes, you, ya pest!

Addendum: He lasted until the 19th of Jan. I put him out of his misery as he was definitely just gasping.

Friday, November 25, 2022

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT, MAY OFFEND. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU MIGHT BE.

Let's talk about... bleached bumholes. Yes, let's!

Seriously, I want to know who even thought of doing such a thing. I wasn't brought up in a quilted environment where no such nasty words (my god, the words alone!) accosted my ears, but they do, really and truly, astound me. The words. In such a combination. Bleached... bumhole.

If you're in the business of porn, all strength to you and all, no judgement from me. Sure, your bumhole is on view rather more than... well, anyone... so, you, I can sort of imagine thinking, 'hey, that could do with a bit of lightening up there.' I can. (I don't want to, I'm annoyed at even the need to be writing all this!) but I can imagine you and your mates going down that road. Surely unneccessary as it remains in my book, I will allow that. 

Somehow though, there appears to be a whole business arisen from it. It's actually a THING. 'Anal bleaching'. There are products to be bought, places to go to have it done and actual people who sign up A. to have it done and B. TO DO IT (for money sure but... nope, not enough money out there!).

Of course the whole 'back, sack and crack' hair removal (for men) (hold my hair! just the actual calling it that!) has long been a thing, and 'Hollywoods' and 'Brazilians' also trickled down from the porn scene. I get it, I do. I hate it, but I get it.

This... this bleaching nonsense... I do NOT get. I refuse to think that any one of us ON THE PLANET is heading for the bus of a morning and actually says to themself 'time my bumhole got a new bleaching'. It just cannot happen. The whole scenario just will not 'compute'! And yet it patently does.

How does that conversation go?

'Put me down for an anal bleaching today, will you?' Okay, I have a ten-thirty with Karen, is that ok? Is a BS&C necessary beforehand? Yes, we can take care of that for you' (sorry Karens, I didn't start defaming your name). 'Why yes, that sounds delightful, I'll be there.'

How in the name of all that is holy did this happen? How do you train for this? WHY would you choose to? I don't know about you, dear reader, but your average bumhole, while often enough seen BY OTHERS over a lifetime, for sure, (partner(s), doctors/midwives), it's just not all that high on the agenda for viewing by owners of said bumholes. So we have to think of them in a weird contortion, mirror in hand, checking their own 'to see if it needs bleaching'. I don't want to think of this image but it's surely the only way Joe/Jill Average is going to see? How do they (did they) then know it is different to other Joes and Jills? I mean, unless 'in porn'... who the hell knows how their actual bumhole compares?! Who? Who the hell thought, 'this needs bleached'? 

No, don't tell me, I don't truly want to know and honestly doubt it is known, but how in the world did this take off? Who are you sir, madam, that thinks anyone is interested enough in your bumhole, your BUMHOLE, to make you think a bleaching will make it look... any better? Can a bumhole look better? It's a bumhole! 

Now, even I can conjure up reasons why de-hairing the whole affair could be in some ways beneficial to someone - each to his own and all that - but you cannot convince me that lightening the skin in that area will ever be other than a weird fetish thing. Fetishes are fine, no hate mail please, seriously, if you want to do weird stuff to yourself, or just plain enjoy weirdness in general, have at it. It's just... this? Really? 

Okay, I've said enough, more than enough probably. The whole idea is simply mind-boggling to me and has been spinning around my head for some reason so I had to offload here (and no, I'm not 'contemplating it really'). Gag-inducing as it all is, I'd like for someone at a 'beauty salon' to stand up and say 'I'm not doing this!' and for the 'liefhebbers' to have to at least do it themselves, with home-made potions and nothing shop-bought and no assistant faffing about around their nether regions... it's not a medical thing! I hope to never hear of the practice again, not even in the most round-about way (not even sure how I did hear about it, to be fair) and hope it totally dies a death. 

I don't think I've been toooo offensive? I can't help that it's a thing!

I think the world can do without the bleaching of bumholes. I won't be starting a petition or anything, I just felt it needed said. So I've said it. I don't want to know your opinion either way, I'm not soliciting any kind of confessions or denials. I tend not to think of bumholes in general which is part of my confusion about the whole business of it. I wouldn't have thought a bumhole's bleached or unbleached condition was high on anyone's agenda, not even a proctologist's. I'm annoyed to be proven wrong.

I'll stop now, I'm boring myself. Anyway, please don't - bleach it, I mean. I'm sure it can't be good for you and nobody cares. Nobody. Even if you are the best paid porn actor around. Nobody, anywhere, ever, thought 'now there's a...' They just never, ever did. Only you. So don't.

Disclaimer: If your bumhole bleaching business goes down the pan, please don't blame me, I merely hope to awaken your potential clients to the absurdity of it all. Be honest, you're exploiting idiots so...

Monday, October 03, 2022

A Summing Up

Some year the 2022’s been!! For the travelling. For us.

It started slow, with Covid restrictions still mostly in place, but easing off. We still wondered if we would finally get to see E in Larkhall, Scotland as planned, after *33 months*. Our March booking didn’t have to be cancelled though and it was just fabulous to see her, T and the boys. All well, and preps for the wedding were on schedule… by all accounts. J turning up was a lovely wee extra surprise for all and of course there were tears. We met up with old pals too and even ‘long lost’ family of J in Edinburgh, sadly, just to say goodbye. A lovely six days though. The diet had to start on return.

End of March, beginning of April we flew to Athens (Pireaus) in Greece for a week of stuffing our faces with great food and our heads with culture. We took in the island of Hydra for a day too. All very lovely.

End of April, beginning of May we had ten days in the South of France in Toulouse (day trip to Carcasonne) and Montpelier (day trip to Arles). All just fabulous, such lovely places - and the diet went to pot.

In June we actually stayed at home the whole month and as I was determined to fit into my outfit for the wedding, that was a good plan. I got down to 66Kg… didn’t quite hit the magic 65 but things fitted!

July was so great with the wedding smack in the middle - a week in Larkhall/Edinburgh. The wedding was a total triumph in E&T’s beautifully finished garden. It was touch and go but they pulled it off admirably with everything ready on time. L’s T missed the whole affair because of Covid and had to stay in his hotel room, but all the boys, J (and T) wore the kilt and E looked fabulous… as did her sister/best maid L. We met up with loads of old pals before coming home and just had the best time.

August, we had a week in Italy around our anniversary in Lucca (evening trip to Torre del Lago Puccini (for the opera) and a day trip to Barga (where many Scots-Italians came from), immediately followed by a week in Rome (day trip to Tivoli). Been to both main places before but so worth it. This took us into September.

Later that month I had to be in Austria, Vienna for Med-El so J joined me making it four nights there (day trip to Bratislava). So much to see in Vienna where we've also been before, and Bratislava was a nice little place.

The year’s not over yet! October, next week in fact, we’ve a week in Paris and Nancy to take in a Dylan concert (Paris) and lots of art nouveau (Nancy). Again, been in Paris lots, but always worth a trip. Nancy is stuffed with art nouveau so we should be well catered for.

November sees me in Larkhall for F’s birthday - on my own this time. He will be 11... time does fly.

December there’s a whole two weeks in Spain booked – one week in Barcelona and one week in Tarragona, both places we have been before and love (especially B). It won't be hot but we're hoping on mild, for December :)

All in all our busiest year of travel, ever and it has been fabulous all round. Seen so much and done so much (and ate so much and drunk so much). We actually walked a full 300 Km over our two weeks in Italy! France and Austria were up there with the daily steps too. Spain, we aim to dial it down a notch, but don’t quote me. The walking doesn’t help keep the weight down at all, but that might also be to do with all the extra calories scarfed, including wine. How can you not when you are continually in nice places to eat and drink delicious stuff. So many special occasions too! Never had one bad wine all year.

Next year… who knows? It will be our 50th wedding anniversary year so there will be something happening (barring any new Covid restrictions) but there is nothing in the pipeline for now. All very exciting really. So many places to go, see and do stuff (and eat stuff!). Watch this space for news… or suggest somewhere we perhaps haven’t been.

Addendum: From Barcelona, we also visited the lovely Girona, and from Tarragona we had daytrips to Reus and Cambrils.

Saturday, June 18, 2022

'Travel' Woes (and other random rants)

I have a ‘love/hate’ relationship with my OVchipkaart. This is the Dutch public transport chip card, used on buses, trams and trains for the whole country. You ‘check in’ on boarding, you ‘check out’ at your end destination (by train), or when you change buses/trams. No messing with tickets, fab. Handy. All good things! I hated it at first, but do like it now. I swore 'it'll never work' when it was introduced haha, and it does, damn it.

You can have a nameless one which you ‘load up’ at a machine with at least €10 (bus/tram) or (I think?) €20 for the train. Checking in deducts a nominal fee of €4 (bus/tram) or €10 (train) and when you check out, your balance is restored depending on the cost of your journey. So, if you only travelled for 85c, your balance gets a restitution immediately of €3.15. Note the word immediately, so it IS possible.

Conveniently, you can have a named one and choose to ‘top it up’ automatically via your bank account. When it gets to below a certain amount on your balance, it deducts that €20. Which is fine, although if you just happen not to be going anywhere again for ages, you’ve paid ahead for way too long, which is irritating, but I can live with that. Mostly.

There are just a couple of things that really boil my piss about the whole system though. Allow me to elaborate.

I know how it works. I do! Check-in, check-out, deductions, restitutions… all fine and dandy. But aside from this extra money you’ve paid to them, they have the annoying habit of not actually deducting it from our bank account immediately (although it is added to your card, so I suspect that's to do with the bank? whatever...) and (of course, depending on your amount of travel) are capable of taking off 3x€20 in one go! Now sure, I’ve done the travelling, obvs, I do owe it to them, but why the delay? €20 each time is ok, I get it, but €60 bucks being deducted suddenly when it’s perhaps a few days later and you forgot about it (easily done) can really screw with my version of economics!

Now, I have this problem with Paypal too actually. I’ve paid for something online via Paypal (works great, but for the following). If no balance in my Paypal account, it comes off my bank account. Which I sign up for, yes, don’t moan at me! But it takes three fecking days for the thing to come off my bank account and by that time, I’ve spent more than is in there BECAUSE my balance there hasn’t yet been adjusted for Paypal shite! I KNOW all this, and it is my own fault but it’s still bloody annoying!

So, back to the OVchipkaart. For whatever reason, and let’s face it, there are multiple that I won’t list here, largely because I can’t think of a specific one, just that I do, do it… I FORGET TO CHECK OUT! I can be still on the bus and forget if I’ve even checked IN yet but that’s another matter. Now, the company has a fabby wee thing you sign up for, needed for tubes like me, to warn me (us, there must be plenty of us around) that I ‘forgot to check out, and allows me to claim back that nominal fee, minus my actual fare via the website they conveniently email you about. You fill in where you did actually get off (as honestly as your diary reminds you where the hell you went on that day - without which I would have to just guess) and Bob’s your uncle, you can claim it all back next time you’re at one of the machines at the station - just swipe your card after pressing the right buttons (which can sometimes be a puzzle for me and surely are for plenty more, but I digress). Great stuff. But!!!... it only allows you to do this THREE TIMES Jan-June and another three times Jul-Sep. WTF? Did not know that before. I obviously didn't go over my allotted number of fuck-ups before. But now I have and probably, statistically, and knowing me, will do again!

So, the page you can look up has the audacity to tell you, ‘You didn’t check out on xxx, but you’ve already claimed back three times this six-month period so haha, we’re keeping it!’(words to that effect). Well, thanks for that! I really strongly object to this. They could have chosen just not to list any more 'you didn't check out' after the three, but they KNOW of more and TELL me so, but don't allow any claims!! As mentioned, there are loads of reasons why I (and others, I just know there are others) regularly do not check out! I understand the deterrent the company is laying on folks, so encouraging the whole check-in/check-out usage… sure I do! But that’s MY money you are keeping there! You KNOW I’ve done it, you even tell me what stop I got on at and what date and how much you have already deducted but do not allow me to sort things and claim back what I did not spend on my route! This doesn’t happen much on trains as there are very few stations with no barriers where you have to use your card to pass through, but there are some and I am definitely capable of then forgetting to use my card… like I said, loads of actual reasons why things don’t always work as they should… so it is mostly on the bus (and rarely on a tram, also possible) that I just miss the fecker or haven’t even checked in properly (so when I think I’m checking out, I’m actually checking in)… it’s a nightmare!

I want my fecking money back. Not least because that €20 gets deducted even sooner than expected because it’s all used up with me not checking out properly. And I know how it works, I KNOW to do it and I’m not trying to cheat anyone but you, OVchipkaart company, are stealing from me! You have the capability, it’s all automated, so pay me my bloody money and stop punishing me for being an idiot, thank you very much. How very bloody dare you!

I’m not even sure who to officially complain to about this but I’m going to find out. I do try assiduously not to fuck up, but I patently do - they keep reminding me I do, because I asked them to! Multiply all the other thousands who surely do too - there will be some who don’t even go through the hoops necessary to claim anything back I’m sure - and that’s a nice wee earner someone has going there! This needs to stop.

So, got that off my chest!